Arthritis And Sexuality

Sexuality is a pleasurable activity shared by partners as an expression of love and intimacy. Ideally, a healthy and satisfying sex life solidifies the union between partners. There are certain factors which can however interfere with deriving pleasure and satisfaction from sex. Having a chronic disease, such as arthritis, can complicate sexuality by introducing pain , fatigue , depression , and limitation into the equation. These factors can cause difficulties in a sexual relationship but it is important to realize the difficulties can be overcome.

Pain And Pleasure

Pain and pleasure are so contrary to each other it may seem unimaginable to consider them together.

Pain is an intruder into the daily lives of arthritis sufferers and can interfere with sexual desire. The fear of movement, discomfort, and increased pain can be self-limiting. Sex should be regarded as a release for the pain though, not something which has hurtful consequences.

With reduced expectations, pleasure from sex is achievable even in spite of a painful illness. By reduced expectations, we understand that aggressive sex is likely unrealistic. Gentle, tender, and creative sexual intercourse can actually be soothing and healing. Following a sexual encounter endorphins are released. Endorphins are the body's own natural painkillers and their beneficial effect can last up to a few hours.

Gentle touch, kissing, holding, and massage are vital acts of intimacy. Whatever provokes sensations of pleasure while diminishing sensations of pain are powerful acts of sexuality and intimacy. Visual stimulation can be helpful especially since the mind is said to be the most powerful sexual organ.

Some things can be done ahead of time in preparation for a sexual encounter. Though this contradicts the theory that sex must be spontaneous, such planning can be helpful for reducing pain and making the encounter more enjoyable.

-Plan sex for the time of day you generally feel best

-Take medications to allow the peak of the dose to occur during sex

-Avoid extra activity which might increase your level of fatigue

-Do gentle exercises to relax and to improve your range of motion

-Take a warm bath or shower to soothe joints and muscles

- Try new positions which might alleviate pain during sex

Sex can still be spontaneous at times. During those occasions you find yourself feeling better, seize the opportunity for physical, sexual gratification.

Medications which are taken to treat arthritis and relieve pain can have side effects which affect sexual desire and performance. Depression, fatigue, and weight gain are among the side effects. A change in medication or in the dosage schedule may make a difference so do not assume you must live with the undesirable effects. Many new medications exist for the treatment of arthritis. Joint replacement surgery may also be an option for people with severely damaged and limited joints. Increased range of motion is often achieved following joint replacement.

Self-Image

Physical damage caused by arthritis can lead to deformity and physical limitation to varying degrees for different people. Besides the obvious physical impact of arthritis, the changes and challenges which it causes can have a psychological impact too. Not only are joints and cartilage eroded, but self-esteem and confidence can be eroded as well.

The reflection in the mirror might show twisted, gnarly joints from the arthritis. You might see moon-face caused from prednisone use or perhaps weight-gain from inactivity. You might see scars from past surgeries reflected back at you. It doesn't take long before thoughts begin to creep in, "Why would anyone want me?".

The key to elevating oneself above a flattened self-image is acceptance. It takes work to achieve such acceptance, acceptance of our bodies, and acceptance of what arthritis has done to our outward appearance. Our focus must be on what we have, not what we may have lost. It is a constant battle within to fight off the anxiety which tries to overtake us. By focusing on looking our best and feeling our best we can fend off the anxiety.

It will mean different things to different people but the goal remains the same, to feel good about yourself. A new haircut, a new outfit, a new look are ways to work toward that goal. When you do finally feel good about yourself other people are drawn to that energy.

Unreasonable fears about sexuality and intimacy, feelings of apprehension, insecurity, and inhibition are unattractive qualities. Other people are not drawn to negative energy. Shed the negativity by reaching out to help others, joining a club, or any interaction which has a positive consequence. Feelings of self-worth will then be enhanced and you will be reassuring yourself that you are deserving of a strong, loving, committed emotional and physical relationship.

Communication

Stress caused by a chronic illness can potentially lead to relationship problems. Open communication is a necessity in all relationships but in relationships where illness is a factor, communication between partners is imperative. Your fears and your partner's fears must be discussed. How you are feeling, what you are thinking, what you need, what makes you feel good, and what you want must be shared.

Perhaps your partner is afraid that sexual activity will cause you pain. Unless you assure your partner that is not the case, the fear becomes embedded. Perhaps by rating your pain on a scale of 1 to 10, your partner can more easily understand and judge the times you feel better and the times you will be more responsive.

Trust in your love for each other.